Always the bridesmaid, never the bride – The Gay Marriage Lark


I’m not getting married in the morning, although apparently I could if I wanted. And I don’t mean a ‘beard’, but a proper, actual full blown gay marriage.

I have very little experience of marriage, gay, equal, or otherwise. The closest I got to getting married was in Las Vegas (of course). I was about to go white water rafting down the Grand Canyon and had spent an evening working impromptu in a burger restaurant there after jokingly offering to help out because they were short staffed. I’d had a few gins. Later that evening there was a knock on the door and when I opened it there was a bride. Like Donna Noble in Doctor Who and The Runaway Bride. ‘What?!’ ‘What!’ ‘What?!’ Fortunately, for me, it turned out she had the wrong room. As I said, I’d had a few gins, and the idea of an Elvis or Star Trek flash wedding kinda appealed. After all, I’d spent the evening flipping burgers, so was up for New Experiences.

I’ve attended a gay ‘sham’ wedding, I’ve organised a gay stag do, and as a Sister Of Perpetual Indulgence, helped officiate a ‘gay blessing’. I’ve also been the Ring Holder for a str8 friend’s renewal of wedding vows, and been an Usher at my cousin’s wedding. So my relationship with weddings, gay or str8, is tangental at best. I’ve been left off many wedding invitation lists, as single people often are. We make for odd numbers and are difficult to place on seating plans. Unless the bride or groom is trying to matchmake. I’m not the sort of person people matchmake for.

I’ve spent 20+ years campaigning for gay relationships to be legally and socially recognised, either as civil partnerships and/or marriage, and for str8 people to have the same options. Today sees a big step in that direction, but is still short of the mark – bizarrely, heterosexuals are denied civil partnerships, and Northern Ireland and a lot of the world, are still failing to haul their homophobic arses into the Twenty-first Century. The predictions of floods, marrying pets and family members, have failed to materialise  – in fact,  it`s been A Beautiful Day.

The owner of the B&B I’m staying in loudly pronounced her views while scrambling eggs in the kitchen that ‘gay marriage isn’t right.It’s between a man and a woman. It’s about the stability of the family. Reproduction blah blah blah.’ If that’s true, marriage failed decades ago. Opponents are accusing the Gay Community of ‘redefining marriage’. You bet your sweet ass we are. We’re gonna teach you how to do it properly. And then we’ll teach you how to divorce as well.

This evening, the husband of the homophobic b&b owner reminded me the clocks go forward. ‘Yes’, I thought, ‘You’re coming over to OUR timezone now. MWAHAHA.’

For now, I await glamorous invitations to all those weddings (gay and str8) and will go buy a hat, if not a ring …


2 comments on “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride – The Gay Marriage Lark

  1. I spent the evening with Mother Mandragora Salacious in Purple and reminisced – God we have seen it all! When I was born homosexuality was still illegal – then the GLC and Ken Livingstone, then AIDS, then queer politics, Outrage and ACT UP, then an equal age of consent and now same-sex marriage. It is very hard to drop the layers of cynicism, satire and stoicism that were our main survival strategies back then but I suppose we must learn to do so because otherwise we will be alienated from a younger generation of LGBTQI who are innocently thriving exercising rights which they take for granted.
    Sister Sic Transit Gloria Swanson, OPI


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